its been ages since i blogged basically because i have zero time!! i miss blogging, it helps me cope with things. up date on my mom, shes home with me, receiving hospice care, and ive taken a brief leave from work to care for her until after the first of the year when i will have more help with her care. we had a horrible scare with kristopher, but THANK GOD the tumor is benign and just needs to be removed and bone marrow replaced.
There have been alot of other things going on also. More personal things in the family unit that has shocked us all and rocked us to our core. Things i believed to be true and taught all my life have been turned upside down. Ive also been rejected a second time by the woman who gave birth to me. apparently i dont have enough time to devote to her since im caring for my mom, that she has yet again decided to turn her back and walk away. so far the year 2011 has been alot of crap! im hoping 2012 will bring happiness, peace, health and stability for us all.
This was a socalled open adoption site i used to participte in ,,if you dont beleive the way they do you get kicked out lol...READ on,,if your not sure, my name on the following is momx6!
– July 25, 2010Posted in: Community Wisdom
I have two adopted children and while I don’t have a problem with openness, I have been finding something that confuses me and that I struggle with. I was hoping someone could shed some light on it for me.
The adoption world seems to use some standard terminology. We can see by reading through the posts on this site that people are comfortable using the titles ‘first family’ or ‘birthfamily’ or ‘biological family’ and all the derivatives that come from it, even when referring to themselves. But then they continue to call the adopted children their ‘son’ and ‘daughter’. In some posts people talk about birthfamilies and say such things as ‘well that IS their grandparents’ when referring to the birthgrandparents. I find this very common with all of the adoptions in my life (my own & those of my family & friends).
I don’t understand the use of the terminology. Should it not be ‘birthson’ and ‘birthdaughter’ etc.. ? Why when challenged is it then said ‘well they ARE the grandparents’?
Many birthparents make the conscious decision to relinquish their children. In that process, they deliberately legally sign away their parental rights and the adoptive parents legally take that on. I don’t understand why then birthparents continue to use the terms ‘son’ and ‘daughter’ instead of using the term ‘birthson’ and ‘birthdaughter’. By doing so, it seems to me that the common attitude of birthfamilies is that biology is in fact more important than the adoptive family.
I honestly would really like to understand this!
Related posts:
The adoption world seems to use some standard terminology. We can see by reading through the posts on this site that people are comfortable using the titles ‘first family’ or ‘birthfamily’ or ‘biological family’ and all the derivatives that come from it, even when referring to themselves. But then they continue to call the adopted children their ‘son’ and ‘daughter’. In some posts people talk about birthfamilies and say such things as ‘well that IS their grandparents’ when referring to the birthgrandparents. I find this very common with all of the adoptions in my life (my own & those of my family & friends).
I don’t understand the use of the terminology. Should it not be ‘birthson’ and ‘birthdaughter’ etc.. ? Why when challenged is it then said ‘well they ARE the grandparents’?
Many birthparents make the conscious decision to relinquish their children. In that process, they deliberately legally sign away their parental rights and the adoptive parents legally take that on. I don’t understand why then birthparents continue to use the terms ‘son’ and ‘daughter’ instead of using the term ‘birthson’ and ‘birthdaughter’. By doing so, it seems to me that the common attitude of birthfamilies is that biology is in fact more important than the adoptive family.
I honestly would really like to understand this!
- Can I decide first family titles as the adoptive parent?
- How do I handle people's negativity about our daughter's open adoption?
- How can I find more positive support from other first parents?
- How do I tell my daughter that I'm not sure who her birthfather is?
- How do you keep negative comments about adoption from bothering you?
cindypsbm 
momx6 
Britney
I do not think that signing away legal rights means signing away the right to claim that child as your biological own. I also do not think that Pennie (our daughter’s first mom) is in any way claiming that her biological ties are superior to our adoptive ties by referring to Madison as her daughter. Madison can be both of ours and we can both refer to her as “my daughter” without in any way impugning each other.
When we (our family) use descriptive terms (birth, adoptive) to talk about one parent or another it’s usually because we’re needing to differentiate. I guess I could understand a first parent saying, “the child I placed for adoption” or even “birth child” to differentiate from a child they are parenting but I don’t see any reason to use it otherwise, especially if he or she wants to talk about said child without someone outside the experience without getting into the whole thing.
Finally I would be sad if Pennie referred to Madison as her “birth daughter” when speaking TO Madison because I know Madison really values being Pennie’s child and I think it would be painful to her to hear her differentiated in that way just as if I said “adopted daughter.” She is our daughter — mine and Pennie’s — period.
I guess I wonder why you feel that the term “birth child” ought to be used? I really am curious because I just don’t get it — how would this be a benefit?