mom on a mission

this is my blog, my opnions, my play pen. dont like what you read, move on!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

fall is here

Fall is finally here, the leaves are changing, the weather is changing and school is in full swing!
I cant beleive that in about a month im turning 40 and my baby is turning 5! Between work, school, and just life in general i feel like im missing out on so much. Every wednesday i have class, so i have to miss jessikas field hockey games, it sux!  i work mon to friday so i dont get to go to things that are offered at the school for the kids because of work. I wish with each changing season, i was able to change things in my life!

There are so many things i want to be able to do but just life getting in the way sux!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

time is getting close :)

Well, kristophers bmom is due in just about a month! How exciting!!!!! Im super excited! Shes letting me be in the room when shes in labor (dear god dont let me faint) ! I have never experienced a birth other than the ones with my dam feet in the stirrups yelling GET IT OUT! Im honored to get to be a part of that, thats something im going to get to share with kristopher as he gets older and asks more questions, which brings me to this question,, How am i going to explain this baby to him?  hmmm
Techincally and biologically is half brother, but family dynamics, TEETEES baby.  Ive been doing alot of reading about this on line and basically NOTHING! Its sad actually, no one writes about this ,They either write about how adoptions sux, or how wonderful and easy it all is, basically looking through rose colored glasses.
Reality is,,, its not easy.  I want to be as open and honest as possible but  DAM its confusing lol even for adults, never mind kids. Not only am I going to have explaining to do, so is kris Bmom when her baby is old enough to ask  her question. Its  hard to find a safe explination where noone gets hurt, offended, etc.
The time is getting close, im excited for her, nervous for her, excited for me, nervous for me!
My hope and prayer in this is that I raise a happy, well adjusted little boy who loves unconditionally and understands situations, and that SHE is able to raise her son with the same values!

Friday, September 9, 2011


ive written alot about my sons bmother, but not much about the bfather. Well if you read the herald news you would have read about him numerous times. Arrested for assault, drug chargs, home invasions, to name a few. Well every once in a while even though his rights were TERMINATED i repeat TERMINATED by the court he rears his ugly head into our lives.  Today, my sons bmom told me he sent her a package with a book and cd for my son. Now remember, i have a FULLY open adoption with my sons bmom because i love and trust her, my sons bfather,,,NEVER!!! IT threw me for a loop,  then after i heard he sent her that i looked him up on FB...OMG he has pics of my son  on his page!!! Im sick, im mad, im scared im,,,,emotions i cant even put into words....for 5 years he has had nothing to do with MY son and on FB claims him as his own!!! people who know me better hold me back! The Only people who can CLAM him as their son is DAN, ME and his Bmother because shes  never abandoned him!
I have no problem telling my son he has 2 mothers, ,,, one who loved him enough to give him up....and  one who loves him enough that she Never will! But to even entertain the fact of 2 fathers ??? NEVER...I REPEAT>>>>>>>>NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!