mom on a mission

this is my blog, my opnions, my play pen. dont like what you read, move on!

Friday, March 9, 2012

life is changing

Today our oldest child turns 18!  ITs such a weird time for me. i realized she is no longer my responsiblity legally! For 18 years ive been legally bound to feed, clothe, educate, house, etc. Im having a hard enough time dealing with one being legal age, next year it will be another one!!! I feel like all my ducklings are getting ready to leave my nest! I used to think this was a good thing, a fun thing,,,sooo not the case!!!! Im feeling lost, scared, and so wanting to regain my authority!!!! UGHHH !!!!!! I want to be able to continue to protect them all! protect them from the things that they dont even realize exhist in this awful world! i know some parents cant wait till their kids are 18 because they can sit back and relax, NOW i think the real worry begins!!! We have one after another turning 18 not even getting a break! i want to turn back time! i wish i had 4 kiddos under 5 again!!!! it was a crazy time, but i knew i could protect them! Now with Brandi being 18 and Jessika  a year behind, id give my right arm for those toddler days!  Needing my ducklings all in a row again!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012


a while ago i typed a letter to my birthmother. It wasnt  meant to be warm and fuzzy, it was supposed to speak the truth.  The truth as i see it. 40 years ago she decided to place me and walk out of my life, and march 11 2009 i allowed her back in, only to yup, walk bak out again in octobWer of this year claiming she needed to work on her issue.

Well today she got the letter i wrote. needless to say she was pissed off!!! some how again i am the reason for her issues. i spoke the truth, she didnt "place me" she gave away her kid, and i said just that! no false statement there! She used to hold all the cards in her hands, didnt want me to tell my brother i exhisted, wanted full controll of our meeting, full control of when she met my family, well with that letter I TOOK BACK MY CONTROL!!!!!  IT KINDA SUX HURTING PEOPLE TO REGAIN MYSELF, BUT IT HAD TO BE DONE!