mom on a mission

this is my blog, my opnions, my play pen. dont like what you read, move on!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

life turned upside down

Sometimes you just want to hear, “I’m that really SUCKS"
Or even, “I understand why your so stressed"
“That must be hard.”

I don’t necessarily want everything to be fixed, made better. I want arms to wrap around me, pull me close and hold me while I cry tears of confusion and anxiety. I want a hand to pet my hair and to wipe away my tears, smear my not-quite-waterproof mascara and kiss the marks on my face.

Maybe mostly because I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t understand why I feel this a crushing blow, . For me, not understanding something makes my anxiety skyrocket. I hate that feeling of confusion, of not being in control of myself — let alone a situation over which I will not, do not and will not have control. The fact that I am feeling something that i cant fix   makes me angry, with myself as well as the situation at hand. It’s a cycle of messy feelings, confusing thoughts and general angst.
I hate myself in these moments!!! i want to be strong for every one!!! I avoid looking at myself in the mirror — I’m mad — but at myself. For being mad, for not bein able to fix this!!!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment