mom on a mission

this is my blog, my opnions, my play pen. dont like what you read, move on!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

october,,a month of discovery

Gee how do i even begin blogging about this. The month of october consists of,, my bday(turning 40) so my bday, my sons bday, his bio brothers bday, the loss of my son, and to add more, a SECOND rejection from the woman who gave birth to me! YEAHHHH october! ugggghhhhhh

October ,, ohh how you mock me . Ive come to terms with turning 40, its not so bad. Its been 10 years since the loss of Jonathon half way through my pregnancy, its the month my incredible son was born, and the miracle of Naythan into our family unit, AND,,,you ready for this,,,the month that the one who gave birth to me AGAIN was allowed to "dis" me!

I dont usually talk about my biological mother, but this month it seems appropriate.  I decided to search for her almost 3 yrs ago because i was envious of the knowledge kristopher has of his beginnings, he has medical info, and a glimps into his biological past.  I wanted that, not so much for me, but for my girls.  So much emphasis was put on breast cancer awareness, cervical cancer etc, i OWE it to them to know my medical background. So 3 years ago in march i began my search!
IT wasnt hard! beleive it or not!
Some incredible things came from my search, ,,,,MY BRO....oh how i love him : )  oh god if he reads this his head will swell lol
I also got a sisinlaw, a niece, and 2 nephews!!!! How  great is all that!!!
ohhh october how u mock me!
After my search, i got to know a few things about my biomother, we both love clothes lol, we both love makeup and nailpolish and we both loveee football! so every sunday i would send a quick txt about the game. This past sunday i got a response that i didnt forseee comming. 
"im seeking psych help for the issues im having, im sorry but i need to be left alone for a while"

Ok,,,,if you dont like swears, skip the next 2 lines!!! ARE You fucking kidding me????? You have issues that your  working on???? i let u into my life, intro u to my children, let you meet MY MOM and YOU have issues???????????? were u abandoned at a hospital? were u "placed" achem given up? Did u get made fun of at school because your "real" mom didnt want u??  By the way,,, i dont agree with real mom! a real mom is not a birth mom~

so the month of october SUCKS for me! Honestly, i should be the one in therapy~ Given away at birth, thankfully i had INCREDIBLE parents who loved me no different as if i were biologically theirs, the same way as i do kris. loss of a son, birth of a son who came to me at 4 mths, now birth of his bio brother! ACKKKKKK thats nuts!
I wish i could go back, go back to the day i decided to search. But i cant! I did it,and as dr phil would say "i own it". 

I wish i could pick and choose the good vs the bad but i guess every decision we make has its consiquences!  Just make sure when u make a decision, your ready for whats to come!

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