living life......finally

Wow, another summer almost over. One child in college, the other starting kidergarten!

Makes me think,,,its been 6 years since ive had a baby in the house. Got married at 20 and 21 , kid s at 21 and 22 and for the next 8 years after that~
THe longest stretch between babies were kristopher and brooke. Brooke was 4 when kristopher came along. Kris is going to be 6!!! wow

Sometimes i feel guilty, Guilty because im ok knowing im not going to have another baby in the house. Im ok with seeing naythan, hugging him, feeding tickling, and GIVING HIM BACK! LOL
Guilty that i have the means and im not going to have another baby come through my doors.

In a few short years i will have grand children, and i want to devote my energy to them. That makes me feel guilty in some ways knowing there are children out there who need help.

Ive grown to love my freedom, something i havent had in the almost 20 years ive been married~

I have great kids who will babysit for their dad and i to go out riding on sundays, and sometimes on the weekends!
I ve come to realize, im OVER the baby stage! Im all set!
Im happy and soo very content on living MY LIFE!
Guilt or no Guilt,,
Ive raised 6 children, taking care of a very ill mother and  now its MY time, and im so happy im young enough to enjoy it and my KIDS (no babies) : )

to be or not to be,,,that is the question

as the title says,,to be or not to be! ?
I was at a bday party this weekend for ,,,now follow,,,lol ..my sons biological mothers brother who turned 21~

At the party were all his BIOLOGICAL "family" thus the title to be or not to be~

I didnt do alot of talking, i sat back and observed, observed him with his biological great grandmother, grandfather, grandmother, aunts, cousins etc. Such a strange sensation. In essence, my son has double the family, but he only calls one family. WHY? there are people our parents are friends with that they want us to call aunty or uncle so and so??? so why is it wrong if my son call the people who are biologically connected to him, aunty, uncle etc??

I will tell you,,,,,SOCIETY!!!! Society makes us think that Titles are oh so important! In my opnion throw them out the dam window~ Society says ...us the term "first" parent?   Cmon, if you place a child for adoption at birth you are NOT a first parent but you want that title! The title goes to a person who tried, realized they were unable, and then  placed, if you place the child at birth, you are a BIRTH MOTHER! YA know why, SOCIETY!

People are sooo caught up with TITLES that they forget , forget that people can love others regardless if they are born to them, placed to them,

I think i should make up titles, like ,,your joe shamo from idaho, and your dick and jane, wonder if people will be fighting to get those names!  So maybe insead of my title being to be or not to be, it should be, family, or not!???











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UGH!

Been so long since ive blogged, lots of things have kept me from it, im just glad to be back to my place to vent! Well brandi has graduated, jessika is a senior , ashleigh a freshmen, mikayla is now in her last year of middle school, brooke is in fourth grade and kristopher is entering kindergarten! wow! phew! kristopher is asking questions now, like why he has blue eyes and y we all have brown. how come he grew in kaylas belly, but hes so smart he answered that himself, cuz she couldnt take care of me and you loved me so much that you did! wow! hes a smart cookie. the questions are going to be getting harder to answer and i just pray that i will have the wisdom to answer them for him to his understanding . 
There was a headline in a magazine that i saw while shopping, it was of catelyn and tyler from teen mom ....
How would you feel if it were true — if you had gotten pregnant?
CL: You know, I would probably be a miserable wreck. I don’t know what I would do. If I did get pregnant right now, how would Carly feel? It wouldn’t be fair to her. When she got older, she would be like, “Oh, you placed me for adoption and then three years later you got pregnant and decided to parent? What’s wrong with me?

UGHHHHHH!
Simply saying, “We’re not ready yet. We’ve discussed it and it doesn’t feel right for us just yet,” would have sufficed.. We would have patted you on the back and said, “Hey! Good for you! Making the decision when to have and parent a child is hard and to know that you’re not ready is really responsible!” But instead, you had to throw some adoption rhetoric in there. You messed it all  up and cause people to be confused.
More over: Having a baby is not a bad thing. Even if it’s a surprise, even if you’re not 100% “ready.” Even if you’re scared. Even if you placed a previous child for adoption. Having — and loving and responsibly caring for — a baby is not a bad thing.

THAT is what i have to get across to my son!!!!!!

adoption stupidity!

I hate DR DREW< i hate  his stupidity! I hate every thing about him!! 

I’m not anti-adoption. I have a successful open adoption, which of course means to say that I’ve worked my butt off, cried a thousand tears and done everything I can to make it work. I’ve lived with loss from my own adoption and what  my son may  feel  every single day. I’ve also had really great experiences. DR drew , of 16 and pregnant , You need to quit judging moms who choose parenting after considering placement. You need to get off their backs. You need to be aware that your judgmental tone, delivered to you by adoption agencies, will harm future mothers — and their children. You need to stop presenting yourself as a voice on adoption and let those who live it do the speaking. I rarely give the other mothers who were on your show a hard time, even though I don’t agree with the way they present themselves or adoption sometimes, because they’re living it. You? You, Dr. Drew? You’ll never understand what it’s like to carry a baby for nine months,  carry that baby to term, and then need for what ever reason place that child.  So stop pretending like you understand, like you care. Shut up!

I love my adoption experience with kristopher, not that it was easy, but that after all was said and done, im glad  i did it, im  glad, my girls experienced pure love!  im not anti adoption,, im anti stupidity!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOW

wow,, not much more i can say,,, cept wow. i hate it when people assume,,,it makes an ASS out of U and ME!
 I posted something on my my fb wall and someone ASSUMED it was about them,,then blasted me with a status! WOW..

 feel as its all to me if that's how u feel talk to me I'm not a ass hole I liston .... all ur comments I read & to b honest I felt it was to me so I'm not gonna assume but I will make this clear I don't need nuthing from no one my son is well tooking care of by me nd me only people show him love & emotion nd its great since he don't have meny people in his life ..... also I love u n ur family to deathh I have tryeddd for 6 yrs to b the person u all want me too b but now I have to b a mother 2 the one that didn't get tooking from me the right wayyy as I feel is right for my son ... I don't use no onne I barely talk to anyone I'm bout to lv here n get my own nd when I do I won't b arround much to talk to anyone I have me n naythan to worry bout I need to make sure mhy life is good for naythans life to b goood idc no more bout what people think or sayy & when I read that I was like wow cause truely who would u be talking about ?? But if I'm rong then I'm sorry for assumin it was to me but the rest is factor ... cause I'm me regardlesss & I'm sick of thinking I have to kiss peoples ass to see kristopher it ain't far to me I have done nuthing but try n try nd if people truely care bout me then they will stick by me regardlesss includen all of u I shouldn't have to worry or care what u guys thinkk I should have to b scaredd to go out n be judged I'm 23 nd I have made a god dam good improvement in my life n if no one sees it screw um idc no more ..... I beeen going threw a lot but yet no one sees how I'm doing n truely care they jus being noisyy it don't work that wayyy I'm not trying at alll to start a fight I'm jus telling u how I feel honestly .....

COP OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been reading adoption information for years now, and the common denominator is that a birth parent says they place because its best for the baby! Im going to make this very easy for you to follow.   Here are a few of the reasons birth parents use for the reliquinshment of their child.

1.  I have  no money
2. I have no support
3. I have no stable place  to live
4. I have no baby daddy support
5. I have no way to finish school/graduate
6. I don't know how I will do it!

Ok , i have given you 6 GENERIC reasons birth parents give when they relinquish their child.
What do you see as the common demoninator>>> I I I I I
Not BABY, or my child, but I I I I I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No one can make me believe those reasons are legit!
Its a cop out!

There is  only ONE reason that can legit make adoption OK,  if  AFTER trying to parent, the birth parent realizes they are  unable to do it!!!
No child should be relinquished at birth! ITs  a total cop out if you do!!!!!!! UGH

life is changing

Today our oldest child turns 18!  ITs such a weird time for me. i realized she is no longer my responsiblity legally! For 18 years ive been legally bound to feed, clothe, educate, house, etc. Im having a hard enough time dealing with one being legal age, next year it will be another one!!! I feel like all my ducklings are getting ready to leave my nest! I used to think this was a good thing, a fun thing,,,sooo not the case!!!! Im feeling lost, scared, and so wanting to regain my authority!!!! UGHHH !!!!!! I want to be able to continue to protect them all! protect them from the things that they dont even realize exhist in this awful world! i know some parents cant wait till their kids are 18 because they can sit back and relax, NOW i think the real worry begins!!! We have one after another turning 18 not even getting a break! i want to turn back time! i wish i had 4 kiddos under 5 again!!!! it was a crazy time, but i knew i could protect them! Now with Brandi being 18 and Jessika  a year behind, id give my right arm for those toddler days!  Needing my ducklings all in a row again!